How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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