conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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