I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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