textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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