But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
