She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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