He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
