I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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