I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
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remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
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PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
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