I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
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i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
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Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.