Texts From Last Night

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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...

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  (504): his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time... http://tfl.nu/szlj
  Replies (47) Good night (2319) Bad night (7902)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.

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  (623): Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again. http://tfl.nu/wv7w
  Replies (23) Good night (788) Bad night (3836)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies

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  (305): Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies http://tfl.nu/pzcg
  Replies (17) Good night (935) Bad night (4654)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life

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  (248): after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life http://tfl.nu/k9mo
  Replies (16) Good night (4680) Bad night (1386)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me

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  (651): I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me http://tfl.nu/s22y
  Replies (13) Good night (4515) Bad night (1491)
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  (212): View more from New York

  My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.

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  (212): My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing. http://tfl.nu/8vqg
  Replies (3) Good night (2883) Bad night (981)
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  (818): View more from California

  I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.

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  (818): I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself. http://tfl.nu/m9u0
  Replies (6) Good night (2271) Bad night (1016)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name

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  (403): I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name http://tfl.nu/7q8a
  Replies (4) Good night (2643) Bad night (933)
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  (805): View more from California

  Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.

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  (805): Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes. http://tfl.nu/kjws
  Replies (4) Good night (1279) Bad night (603)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back

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  (906): As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back http://tfl.nu/lf8p
  Replies (1) Good night (1309) Bad night (1072)
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  (661): View more from California

  Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.

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  (661): Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting. http://tfl.nu/cxg1
  Replies (4) Good night (493) Bad night (1592)
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  (949): View more from California

  I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library

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  (949): I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library http://tfl.nu/heel
  Replies (24) Good night (2924) Bad night (740)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.

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  (717): Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale. http://tfl.nu/0gl5
  Replies (2) Good night (450) Bad night (871)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.

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  (540): I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism. http://tfl.nu/6sut
  Replies (2) Good night (568) Bad night (283)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.

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  (214): Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget. http://tfl.nu/ft5l
  Replies (1) Good night (499) Bad night (484)

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