we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.