I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.