There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
