Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
