I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He passed out mid-signature
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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