he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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