On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
