trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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