(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
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After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.