Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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