I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
