Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
