Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
