we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
