We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
