Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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