you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
