She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
