This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
