Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
