At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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