We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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