I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
