I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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