You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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