2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
