Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I would fuck him just for his dog
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
