In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
