If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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