nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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