she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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