I didn't shave. On purpose
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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