arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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