So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
