Michael Bay diarrhea
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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