highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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