Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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