would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
