I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
