A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
