I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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