I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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