got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I am naked and annoyed.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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