We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
