Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
