there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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