You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
