went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
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And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
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She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
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