I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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