you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
