I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
