My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
