The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he thought i was a dude.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
