I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
