but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
