At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
