I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
