This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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