Umm I'm too high to move.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
