that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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