I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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