If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
