That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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