I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
